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There's something like a line of gold thread running through a man's words when he talks to his daughter, and gradually over the years it gets to be long enough for you to pick up in your hands and weave into a cloth that feels like love itself. ~John Gregory Brown, Decorations in a Ruined Cemetery, 1994I've thought about these words by John Gregory Brown since the passing of my own father. Before the experience of losing my dad I'm not sure I fully understood their meaning. Now, the period of time that has separated my father and I has shown me the importance of weaving my own cloth of love, a cloth made up of memories and words of my father. You see there are times when a little girl needs (the word needs is not chosen lightly) the love that only a father can provide. A love that came freely with no strings attached. A love that provided safety, warmth, and reason when little reason remained in other aspects of life. I was blessed in my life to have such a father. It was a blessing that I called on throughout my life and a blessing which has afforded me the opportunity to construct a beautiful cloth that truly feels like love itself.
So on this father's day, my first without my dad, can I just share for a few moments the golden threads which make up my cloth.
Those who know me well say that I have the tendency to exaggerate. So let me assure you that the the following statement is not embellished in any way (my sisters will back me on this one). There was not one day in my life, not one, where I saw or spoke to my dad that the words "I love you" were not heard. Not one day. Those words of love were spoken on days that I made him proud to be my dad but more importantly on days I'm sure I disappointed him through my actions or words. No matter what, I still heard I love you. My dad gave that golden thread to each of his children.
Another cherished thread I carry with me is that of my father's example of love. I can't begin to count the number of times my dad stopped whatever he was doing to go and get fries for my twin and I or the number of times he was picking up or dropping us off at a friend's house. I have memories of him staying up all night with me because I was sick and simply needed him to be there. I recall times of being held by my dad when I was heartbroken over some boy's name I do not now remember. He never declared my tears to be silly, all he knew was that his little girl was in pain and he provided a place of comfort.
I could go on and on but just let me end by thanking my father for my beautiful quilt of love. I have used it so often since his passing. There are times when I still need the comforting words or arms of my father. I feel so very blessed for the love from which my quilt is woven for I know not every child is left with such a quilt. I love you most daddy.
7 comments:
I too had a Dad who daily would say, "Do you know how much I love you?" Or would take me in his arms and dance around with me. Went to my softball games and cheered me on. Taught me how to ride my bike, and drive a car from a very early age on his lap. Showed by example how to work and do the best job I could, wether it was mowing the lawn or working through the nights doing "key punching" for his new business NICS. He installed in me the desire to work hard so no one could ever say, " Oh that's just the boss's daughter" I wanted to learn how to fly his plane so that if anything ever happened to dad while we were flying that I would be able to land us safely. Well, I only got 10 hrs. logged of flying time so it's a good thing I was never called upon. When he would come to visit us at BYU he would always put a little money in my hand and call it "my walking around money" I learned from my dad that there is a difference between being spoiled and loved alot! I was truely loved a lot!!
He would take me with in on his crop dusting jobs before I was old enough to go to school,and I would play at the home of those he was doing business for. He even had a royal blue plane that he had my name in orange letters painted on the side. He always looked forward to our sunday night calls when we were apart. Oh, to hear his voice again, and how much he loves me. I don't think a summer goes by that when Mary Sue is here visiting that a plane flies over the house and we looked up and say "There's dad just checking in on us" Thanks for letting me ramble on as now I am crying and haven't thought about my dad in all these ways in a very long time. I am blessed to have had a dad that loved me.
I thought about it today and I think that my feelings for Daddy did not change any from the time I was a little girl until the day he passed. He always hug the moon and stars for me.His unending never failing love is something I never thought I could live without.Today the hardest thing for me is that I haven't heard " I love you baby" in over six months from the man I heard it from almost every day of my life. I miss him so and some days like today I feel like George on Gray's " I don't know how to exsist in a world where my father doesn't". On the other hand I am most grateful for the Daddy that the Lord gave me I loved him beyond measure and I knew without a shadow of a doubt that he felt the same way about me. Cherylann
Thank you so much for sharing the love that you have for your own fathers. Isn't it great to know that such men exist in this world of ours.
How lucky we are to be blessed with the best father ever. I've tried several times to post a comment but can't quite get through it. To say that I miss him everyday is an understatement. If I had one last chance to tell him something it would be thank you. Thank you Daddy for loving me unconditionally. Thank you for showing me how to be a good parent and always being there for me even when I didn't deserve it. I love you so very much.....
If there was one thing in this world that Arvel Cupp did not need it was ANOTHER girl in his life and yet he opened his home and heart to me every day without hesitation. Throughout our years in high school he kissed me good night and told me he loved me far more than my own father. As the years passed, I saw him less often but he always had a hug and a kiss waiting for me. I am grateful that my oldest son, Sean, also knew the kindness that was Papa and will always be able to share stories with his little brother Connor.
Erica, I hope you know how much you are loved by everyone in our family. And I hope you know that you and your family are always welcome in our hope in PA.
I'm glad I was privileged to know your dad Christie. A fine, gentleman. You come from "good stock" no doubt. Also, Jody, dear sister Jody, thanks for your rememberances of our dynamic dad...one in a million. I'm so thankful that our loving Heavenly Father has provided a way for us to be together after this life experience if we follow His plan.
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